[Saturday -- 12:00pm] sunday july 5th 7 PM @ the eagle's nest 825 E Center St Native Direct Hit Absolutely $5 +

[Wednesday -- 11:19pm] new cougar den song! www.myspace.com/cougarden gimme feedback justin does vocals with adam in the background sometimes was recorded by will smith in may 4 & +

[Saturday -- 12:23pm] intended to clean, hang loose and read last night. instead, received an ample helping of anexity attack in bayview followed by an all nighter. thought to write in here a couple times but couldn't gather my composure. i was really excited to have the house to myself...then i had an aweful dream two nights ago and i'm kind of nervous about going to sleep. at least i can say i finished my economics lessons and got an A-.... +

[Saturday -- 1:13am] [ music | bon iver ] work was agonizing and long. clocked out at 11:23. i have a lot of respect for the people i surround myself with. or at least mostly a lot of respect. mmm i don't know who or what i actually mean. i get excited about the projects some people are involved in//where their hearts dwell. i put too much pressure on products//projects as if there is an expectation...just do something? anything? nevertheless, socializing with more than two people at a time has come to feel like a chore. i enjoy your face. i'm simply not patient. i get nervous and anxious and end up thinking instead of listening. vegetable prep provokes thoughts to stray..and stray they do. i envisioned my existence as a cylinder-like map, not anything close to linear or even 2d. on this map i didn't have a position; rather, i was an undulating plane. i'm not exactly sure what the actual map was, perhaps life's variables? i probably sound like a nutcase. anyway, for a minute i got really stoked. "just do it yourself, just fucking do it" was all i could think. you want it? be deliberate and just do it. it can happen. music//booking//"the scene"...fuck it. fuck clubs and venues and money. like i've never "been about" that, but really and honestly...fuck that. if i believe local as global, a means of toppling top-down structures, apply  it. there is something so amazing about producing something for the sake of creation. i forget that every now and then.  haven't had anything to drink today. first time in a long while... i wanna get into zines. bring it back.  there are a lot of people i know have my back. i just feel like i can't confide anything.   +

[Thursday -- 10:57pm] carlyn is the fucking shit. i hate the idea of family bound by blood. today, up until nina picked me up at 6, fucking sucked. absolutely aweful. now i feel amazing. in the last month i met a pal i'll have for a long time to come " there are more of us than you think, and we've got bombs. truth and beauty bombs" +

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